Tag Archives: cancer

It’s Okay Not To Be Okay

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I should be stronger.

I should be smarter.

I should be slimmer.

I should be healthier.

I should be better.

I should do more.

How many times have you asked yourselves these questions? How many times have you forced out a smile and said, “I’m alright” when someone asked how you are? I bet that the answer is “All the time.” You probably feel that you can’t speak up when you have a bad day, or a bad year, that people will think you’re complaining, that your friends and family have their own issues and you don’t want to burden them with yours.

I know. I’ve been there. Hell, I live there! And you know what? I’ve come to realize that it’s okay to not be okay. That sometimes “How are you?” is an honest inquiry about your well-being, and someone actually cares about the answer.

I rarely open up about my life. I feel that if people know about my problems that’s a sign of weakness and vulnerability. And yes, there have been times when I regretted my candor. But there have been many more times when talking to a loved one or even to a stranger saved my sanity—or at least, it put a band-aid on it.

I’m having the hardest year of my life. In November 2021 my father was diagnosed with lung cancer. It’s a cliché, but I never thought something like that could happen to him. He used to say this kind of illness would never get close to him, but it did. All the doctors I talked to said he probably had a few months left to live. I didn’t tell my father that, and I didn’t believe it. He was the strongest man I knew, I was sure he was going to beat this illness. Although the odds were grim, I kept hoping and fighting with every weapon I had. How weak each of them were…

What followed were six months of an emotional rollercoaster. He did so well when he first started chemotherapy that I began believing he would be okay. I did my best to take care of him, spend time with him, pushed myself to limits I didn’t know I had. But fate tricked us. Each step we took, even before his diagnosis, was always a step behind the illness. The healthcare system moved too slowly, the tests took too long, the doctors didn’t monitor him properly. So in the final month I watched my father go through a terrible agony, before he passed away in May this year. It was like watching Zeus fall.

wellbeing

If hell exists, it cannot possibly be worse than dying like that, or than watching someone you love die. It’s something that changes you forever. There is no going back to the person you were before after watching a loved one die under your helpless eyes.

Needless to say, this was the biggest trauma in my life, and the pain is far from being over. It took a toll on everything, including my writing career. I was already having trouble with writer’s block, and my dad’s diagnosis completely killed my creativity. I only wrote a few pages here and there since November 2021. And all this time, day after day, I have been beating myself up for not being able to write. I’m still beating myself up for feeling down, for being depressed, for being tired, for not meeting my own (unrealistic) expectations, and so much more.

I deleted this article many times before I decided to publish it. I have no idea who will read it, and bearing your soul in front of strangers is damn hard and uncomfortable. But you know what? I think it’s brave too. And sometimes it can bring you relief and peace such as you never knew. Because we are all humans, we all suffer, and we should comfort each other. There is too much hate and pain around us, and the world seems a pretty bad place right now.

So give yourself a break when you feel overwhelmed. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Talk to people. Cultivate friendships. Help others. Because a better world starts with you and me. And so does a happier life.

If you’ve come this far, I would like to thank you for reading and to ask How are you? Tell me in the comments, and who knows? You might find a new friend today.

Until next time, sending you love and strength.

Melinda

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The good, the bad, and the ugly

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Dear friends,

It’s been a while since I was able to check in and give you an update. This is one of the most challenging things that I ever wrote, because the past months have been very difficult for me. My father was diagnosed with lung cancer at the end of November, so the holidays were dark and grim in my family. Just when the first spring sunrays seemed to head our way, war started in Ukraine. I live in Romania, which shares a border with Ukraine. It’s fortunate because we are able to help hundreds of thousands of refugees, but it also makes the horrors of war too close for comfort. However, I have no right to complain. I can’t even imagine what the poor people across the border have to endure every moment, living and dying in constant bombardment, as their country is destroyed, inch by inch.

The thought that this destruction might extend throughout the whole world is daunting. I’m only thirty-six years old, and already I’ve lived through a pandemic, the terrible illness of a loved family member, and now I am witnessing a war.

Needless to say that all of this has affected my creativity. I want to apologize to you all. I know you’re waiting for the next books, and I am struggling harder than you think to write the best mysteries that I can. That includes a lot of research, endless brainstorming, writing, deleting, not to mention mustering the physical and emotional state to write. I’ve had a lot more bad days than good, so the progress is slow, but I try to celebrate the small victories, like hitting the first 10k of a new book!

It’s a new series, which I’m very excited about. I can’t tell you anything about it yet, so please be patient with me. I just hope you will continue to share these small joys and make these baby steps with me.

In the meantime, I would love to offer you a free short story from my Lovestruck collection, which is available exclusively on my website, melindadeross.com. Happy Saint Patrick’s Day! 🙂☘️

Also, I have another series that I would love to recommend, because as a friend of mine says, we all turn to books for solace when reality becomes too harsh to endure.

If you would like to help the people of Ukraine in any way, fellow AB author Stephanie Queen has generously put together an anthology of ten stories, and 100% of the proceeds will be donated to support Ukrainian refugees all over the world. Please consider buying this box set, so that someone who had to abandon their home can have a hot meal, medicine, or a bed for the night.

Stay safe,

Melinda

New Year, Fresh Start, New Resolutions

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Have you noticed how hard it is to get used to a new year? At least for me it’s always a challenge for the first couple of months when I have to fill in the date. Thinking back of my childhood, it’s hard to imagine I’m in 2020. I mean, back then, that was the future! In one of my favorite movies, Back to the Future, Steven Spielberg had imagined a much more evolved 21st century. According to him, by now we should all travel in space cars, have voice-command appliances, and eradicate most illnesses. Wasn’t he an optimist, back in ’86 when he made the first movie?

While we’re working on technologies that will eventually make all of these things possible, everything is moving slowly. And although we can definitely survive without flying cars and smart refrigerators, our quality of life depends on our health.

When we’re healthy we are unaware of how important this is. It’s only when we’re confronted with illness—or worse, death—that we start appreciating what truly matters in life. I’ve had such a terrible revelation right after Christmas, when I learned that a high school mate of mine died of cancer at the age of thirty-three. The news was shocking for all of us who knew him. We all hoped and prayed for a miracle until the last minute, but in vain. I can only shudder when I think of his poor wife and six-year-old-son, who have to deal with so much grief. I was touched by how many people jumped in to help them, morally and financially. It’s probably not that much of a comfort, but seeing this proof of kindness reassured me there’s still hope for humanity.

It’s a bitter irony that I have just finished a book where the hero is a researcher and fights to cure cancer. Although the book is a fictional suspense romance, a lot of the medical facts are true. With medicine advancing fast, I pray this terrible disease will soon be eradicated forever and stop being a constant threat to us and those we love.

In International Affairs: LONDON, Dr. Gerard Leon develops not one, but two cures for cancer, with the help of Linda, a beautiful and wealthy Italian artist. If in life we’re not guaranteed a happy ever after, one of the things we can do is look for it in books…

She has the money; he has the brains. In their quest to cure others, can they also heal each other?

Gerard Leon is a physician and researcher. Linda Coriola is an artist and philanthropist. After losing loved ones to this silent killer, they both fight cancer in their own way—her with money, him with scientific breakthroughs.
Neither expected to fall in love, but when they do, it’s hard, fast, and mind-blowing.
But they have a common enemy who will stop at nothing to see them fail. Can they give into their feelings, stay focused on their goal, and live to fight another day?

International Affairs: LONDON is the first book in a new series of suspense romance novels, International Romance Collection. I hope you will love these stories as much as I enjoy writing them!
If this isn’t in your New Year’s resolutions list, remember: stay healthy. When it comes to most illnesses your body will give you signs so you can do something before it’s too late–don’t ignore them! It doesn’t matter that you’ll keep your job, or get that promotion, or keep that relationship, or do whatever you want to do if you won’t live long enough to enjoy them. We can find love, build fortunes, make dreams come true, but the one thing we can’t buy is our health. It’s the most precious thing we can have. Take care of yourselves above all else. ❤

Here’s a photo of me on Christmas Day. I had the best time of my life during the holidays because hubby took two weeks off work, so we spent every minute together. We didn’t go to any parties or fancy events, we just enjoyed our time together cooking, watching TV, staying at home, shopping or just walking the streets and goofing around. 🙂

Simply Unforgettable

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Our recent boxes of romantic suspense novels:

UNFORGETTABLE SUSPENSE 

UNFORGETTABLE DANGER

UNFORGETTABLE TROUBLE

My contribution to Unforgettable Danger is a special story that came to me while  catching a glimpse of a TV ad showing skinny dirty kids with haggard eyes and tattered clothes. I suddenly froze, upset by the pictures and the use of children to collect money.

On second thought, these hungry kids really exist. Somewhere. In too many places. And I kept thinking about them.

As we are getting ready to celebrate Mother’s Day, I am grateful that our children are lucky to be raised by loving parents. But what happens to babies, toddlers and small children who lose their parents too early in life and have no one to raise and love them?

FOR SARAH’S SAKE is the story of a three-year-old precious little girl. Her father, an American gold star hero gave his life for his country in the Middle East. Her mother, a Syrian refugee, comes to the US to give birth and find the American grandparents of her baby. Too soon, she dies of cancer and leaves her daughter to the kind doctor who took care of her when she was fighting a losing battle with her illness.

Dr. David Dutton is on the brink of divorce. Helping Sarah may help him save his marriage. Unfortunately, the search for her relatives endangers both Sarah and his soon-to-be ex-wife. In the midst of danger and legal battle, the feisty little girl works miracles with her babbling and laughter.

This is story that will make you laugh and cry, scream and gasp, and bite your nails, until the unexpected happy ending.