About Dani Haviland

Dani Haviland, formerly of Connecticut, Arizona, and Alaska, recently semi-retired from selling tractor parts, tools, and roses. She moved to a more temperate climate in western Oregon to pursue her passions: writing, gardening, and photography.  View website

Humorous Lessons from Home-schooling

Do you recognize any of these Words of Wisdom? Whether you’re sixteen or sixty, these HOME-SCHOOLED lessons are still heard today, a generational gift from ages past. Here are some of the topics and their one or two-sentence lessons.

1. TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

2. RELIGION.
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. TIME TRAVEL
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4. LOGIC.
“Because I said so, that’s why.”

5. MORE LOGIC.
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me”

6. FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

7. IRONY.
“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

8. The science of OSMOSIS.
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

9. CONTORTIONISM.
“Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

10. STAMINA.
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

11. WEATHER.
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

12. HYPOCRISY.
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times, don’t exaggerate!”

13. The CIRCLE OF LIFE.
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out…”

14. BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
“Stop acting like your father!”

15. ENVY.
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

16. ANTICIPATION.
“Just wait until we get home.”

17. RECEIVING.
“You are going to get it from your father when you get home!”

18. MEDICAL SCIENCE.
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”

19. ESP (Extra-Sensory Perception)
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”

20. HUMOR.
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

21. HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

22. GENETICS.
“You’re just like your father.”

23. ROOTS (Ancestry).
“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

24. WISDOM.
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.

25. JUSTICE.
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”

If you’d like more humor, check out these sets, including the latest CUTE BUT CRAZY: UNIQUE AND UNPREDICTABLE. NINE fresh Romantic-Comedies by some of your favorite Authors’ Billboard ladies (including me. Wink, wink).

Hear ye, hear ye: FANTASTIC NEWS!

How to listen to just about any Amazon ebook (even when it’s not on Audible)

How to listen to just about any Amazon ebook (even when it’s not on Audible)
How to listen to just about any Amazon ebook (even when it’s not on Audible)

I have found several ways to listen to an Amazon ebook (that’s not on Audible). I believe the best #FREE way is to listen to your book on an Echo device.

Say, “Alexa, read my book.” That’s it. If you are already reading an ebook, she’ll select that one. ‘Resuming your most recent book, Aye, I am a Fairy.’

If you want to switch stories, say, “Alexa, read my book, One Arctic Summer,” (or whatever title you want). She’ll reply, ‘Getting your book from your Kindle Library.’

Note: my favorite part of listening with this method is I can tell her to go forward or back if I missed something or want to skip forward. ‘Alexa, go back ten seconds’ or ‘Alexa, go forward thirty minutes.’

This method works on my Echo Dot, Echo Show, Kindle Fire, the Alexa app on my phone, and my come-with-me-everywhere buddy, my Echo Owl frames. Oh, and Alexa picks up from where she left off, synching with whichever device I was using. I don’t have to touch anything to get it to start, pause, or stop reading, either. That’s particularly handy when pulling weeds with muddy gloves (wearing Echo Owl sunglasses with built-in speakers) or answering the door when the Echo device is across the room.

Here’s the word direct from Amazon on How to with Kindle Fire

Here’s the word on how to listen to a book on your Fire, right from Amazon.

How to listen to a book on your PC

You can use the free Kindle App on your computer to hear a non-Audible Amazon eBook. 1) Open the Kindle App. It’s free to download if you don’t already have it.

2) Go to Library and search for your book title. Open it. From the Tools Folder, select ‘Start Text-to-Speech’ or use the shortcut Ctrl+T. This way of listening is like hearing a male robot. I don’t like the guy’s voice on the Kindle Text to Speech as well as Alexa’s.

Give it a try!

If you already have the books in your library, give it a try. If not, search ABB Chill Out on Amazon and see loads of The Authors’ Billboard titles. Now you can LISTEN or read!

Apocalypse not welcome here

Apocalypse: an epic, life-altering disaster. Yup. That’s the last five days.
Friday, February 12: The weather forecast for my small, end-of-the-road town was for snow. Instead, we got freezing rain. Life went on, but the county shut down. That meant our little church didn’t get the food we normally redistribute later that day. We did get a paltry (but welcomed) 223 pounds of bread from the next town (thank you, Dallas Food Pantry!). We had potatoes, onions, apples, tortillas, and a few winter squash on hand, so residents went left thoroughly chilled but not empty-handed.
Late that night, it got worse. The wind blew extra portions of frozen rain. Trees creaked and moaned with the extra weight of their icy coats. Creak, snap, pop, crash! Limbs and branches dropped, sometimes taking transmission lines with them. The whole town lost power. Roads were shut or narrowed to one lane because of downed timber.
The next day, we found out firsthand how extensive the damages were. My husband and I traveled to four towns before we found a place to buy gas. By the fifth one, we were able to get propane. If you could find a place open, the lines at gas stations and fast food restaurants were unbelievably long. I thought I was back in the seventies during the gas shortage. Cell phones didn’t work, either. For the first time in at least a decade, I heard ‘All circuits are busy. Please try again later.’
It’s been five days now. We made do. My husband reconnected our old gas heater and propane tank. We have two generators alternately running the laptop, house refrigerator, sump pump, and battery packs and last night, the big screen TV and blue-ray player.
What I miss the most? Hot showers! By the second day, I couldn’t stand it and took a ‘saucepan’ shower. I heated water on top of the gas heater. You’ll have to believe me that the rest was accomplished by determination, not convenience.
We still don’t have internet. Email service is sporadic if I stand at the end of the porch or in the yard. We still have intermittent rain, so I’m porching it. I can’t search the internet, though, and I can post but not look at Facebook.
I started to get fed up with it yesterday. Now we didn’t have cell service! ‘Can’t connect to a Network’ showed on my phone. We drove to Dallas and picked up a signal. I called my daughter, told her the latest updates, then after grabbing some Mexican food takeout, came back home.
Still waiting for power. Will the world stop if I don’t have internet? No. Am I frustrated? Yes. What have I learned? I’m more prepared than I thought (lots of matches, food, and candles), but next time, I’ll have more movies downloaded on my Kindle and more battery packs for my flashlights.
Be prepared. Download a few good books in case you lose power, too.


Check out THAT MAGIC TOUCH, a sweet love story about a young woman brought up without electricity and other conveniences by her doctor dad as he serves the poor in the Appalachian backwoods, also part of Doctors in Love 2: Sexy and Determined box set.

https://books2read.com/DocLove2

Can you read this?

The ability to read is too often taken for granted

If you can read this, be grateful for a multitude of blessings. First and foremost is you have the gift of sight. Even if you wear glasses, contacts, or had corrective surgery, you can distinguish dark and light on a very detailed level.

Second, give thanks for electronics. You could break that down to the device (smartphone or computer), information sharing system (wi-fi, cable, or telephone wire), and good ol’ electricity to power that digital screen that flashes the words in front of your eyes. Yup, more than one gift in that one.

Third, thank your teacher. Whether you attended public or private school or learned from a parent, sibling, or friend, be grateful they spent time encouraging you. You were – and are – worth it.

Right now, I want to share my experience with the gift of sight. When my grandmother saw me as a newborn, she said, “What big, beautiful eyes. She’s going to be nearsighted.” She was right. Lasik  – my first two surgeries – corrected it, though. I was very happy for years not having to buy glasses or contacts.

Surgeries three and four were for cataracts. Those surgeries were not nearly as successful. I guess the ophthalmologist didn’t calculate (guess) the right strength of the implanted lenses, I was back to glasses.

Vision degradation was ongoing and for no reason other than old age. I had a macular pucker that was tugging and distorting my retina, the ‘projector screen’ at the back of my eye. I was getting a new prescription twice a year. Images seen with my right eye were ten to fifteen percent bigger than my left. That translated to double vision to my brain.

After five years of regular check-ups on its progress, the doctor decided it was time for surgery.

My fifth eye surgery was last week: vitrectomy and membranectomy. I’ll look like a pirate for at least a few more days. Here’s hoping my ‘double-vision’ will go away and I can write more!

UNFORGETTABLE REVENGE: When once is not enough.

In the meantime, check out the newest release from The Authors’ Billboard. If you love Romantic Suspense, here’s a great one: UNFORGETTABLE REVENGE. Loads of new stories, too.