Marry On April Fool’s Day by @JoanReeves #mgtab

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Tomorrow is April Fool’s Day so here’s a question for you. Would you marry on April Fool’s Day? I think you’d have to possess a very good sense of humor to do that.

In light of our changing culture, perhaps the better question is, would you get married? Ever. I have a couple of friends who refuse to marry. Each lives with the man she loves, but they absolutely refuse to marry.

In today’s world where couples live together and often have children without marriage, getting married seems to have become the ultimate commitment if not the ultimate love story.Weddings are celebrated in ceremonies ranging from small, family-only events to splashy galas costing as much as a house.

Ancient People Knew What Was At Stake

It wasn’t always like this. Ancient history tells us that marriage was first a private, domestic affair.

According to Curious Customs of Sex and Marriage by George Ryley Scott (out of print but available at used book outlets), the basic function of marriage was to multiply. After all, the population was small. Disease was rampant. Under-population was the big problem. The planet needed more people. Marriages were simply a way of sponsoring procreation.Bride Cartoon

You may kiss the bride. Go forth and procreate.

Women Were Valuable–Commodities

It didn’t take men long to decide that the value of a woman–daughter, sister, or a female related in any way that gave them domination over the woman–lay in making marriage contracts that enabled them (the men) to gain more wealth and power.

Yet, marriage was a hard sell to most men. Those testosterone-fueled beings didn’t embrace the concept. They took persuading which is probably why the dowry played such a big part in landing a man who would enhance a father’s power and wealth.

Perhaps that explains why so many nations (remember, just about all society was patriarchal) experimented with Polygyny, a form of plural marriage in which a man is allowed more than one wife, and Polyandry, a form of polygamy whereby a woman takes two or more husbands at the same time. So they could have many wives and get many dowries in order to expand their power base.

Along Came Monogamy

Eventually, in most civilized nations of the world, monogamy was accepted almost universally, at least in theory, as the perfect form of marital union.

As we all know, nothing and no one is perfect, but monogamy was probably what kept the world rocking along for a couple of millennia—dragging all of the customs and superstitions created along the way into our modern world.

Customs Transform To Fit The Times

Many marriage customs continue, with some slight alterations. Although some may still practice Marriage by Capture, that’s usually performed in an altered version called Elopement.

Betrothal in Infancy and Arranged Marriages still survive as do matchmakers. Even Marriage by Purchase survives in other countries although cynics assert that Marriage by Purchase is alive and well in western civilizations too. Just look at all the wealthy sugar daddies–and a few sugar mamas–who are always looking for sexy young sugar babies. Of course, maybe they’re all just looking for love like the rest of us.

Marriage of Convenience

Another classic tradition in the wedding arena is the Marriage of Convenience in which an unwilling man or woman is forced into a marriage. Sometimes this is because of the need for protection or for economic reasons. This is one of the most popular themes in romance novels.

I explore that theme in my romantic comedy, April Fool Bride which is on sale for only 99 cents today through April 16. (Be sure the price is 99 cents before you click Buy.) You can find April Fool Bride at: Amazon * Nook * iTunes * Kobo (U.S.) * Smashwords.

Blurb

Is it a marriage of convenience or something more? Something that sizzles like steam heat between Maddie and Jake that neither can resist!

Oil heiress Madeline Quinn needs a husband by the time she turns twenty-five in order to claim her full inheritance. Mad Maddie, as the tabloids christened her, has learned the hard way that men only see dollar signs when they look at her.

Maddie decides a marriage of convenience is the only answer. She turns to the one man in the world she can trust, her housekeeper’s son who always treated her like a little sister when they were kids growing up together.

Jake Becker hasn’t seen Maddie since the night she tried to seduce him. Why should he help the woman who changed the course of his life? Simple. Revenge.

Review

This is a wonderful love story. April Fool Bride is well plotted and beautifully told. As the story came to an end I found myself wanting to read more. I read a lot of books, but I don’t read them all to the end, and I only write a review on the ones I love. I thoroughly enjoyed April Fool Bride. 5 Stars!! ~ Mary Adair, Author

A charming novella with romance, passion, humor. Maddie needs a husband by April to be able to control her inheritance. The only man she can trusts to help her without taking advantage of the situation is Jake who was her friend when they were both teenagers. His mother used to work for Maddie’s family until the night her stepmother caught Maddie in Jake’s bed and threw him and his mother out. Now Jake is a successful businessman and doesn’t need the money or the lucrative deal Maddie is offering for him to marry her on paper for a year. Yet he accepts because…[*g*] Funny and sexy is the trademark of Joan Reeves’ books, add emotion and passion. ~ Amazon Reader Review

I wish you a Happy April Fool’s Day. Play a corny prank on your kids or your spouse. This is a day made for laughter–and romance if you work it right. *g*

Joan Reeves writes sexy–often funny–Romance Novels. Her books are available at major ebook sellers with new print editions coming this year. (Audio editions available at Audible and iTunes.) All of Joan’s books have the same underlying premise: “It’s never too late to live Happily Ever After.” Joan lives her Happily Ever After with her hero, her husband, in the Lone Star State. Sign up for Joan’s Mailing List/Free NL and get a free ebook. Connect Online with Joan: Blog * Facebook * Twitter * YouTube.

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Tourists Prayer (funny)

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Sharing a tourist prayer with those of you who are planing your next vacation:

Heavenly Father, look down on us your humble obedient tourist servants, who are doomed to travel this earth, taking photographs, mailing postcards, buying souvenirs and walking around in drip-dry underwear.

Give us this day divine guidance in the selection of our hotels, that we may find our reservations honored, our rooms made, and hot water running in the faucets.

We pray that the phones work and that the receptionists speak our tongue.

Lead us, dear Lord, to good, inexpensive restaurants where the food is superb, the waiters friendly and the wine included in the price.

Give us the wisdom to tip correctly in currencies we do not understand. Forgive us for undertipping out of ignorance or overtipping out of fear. Make the natives love us for what we are and nor what we can contribute to their worldly goods.

Grant us the strength to visit the museums, the cathedrals , the palaces and castles listed as ‘musts’ in the guidebooks.

And if perchance we skip a historic monument to take a nap after lunch, have mercy on us for our flesh is week.

For Husbands Only
Dear God, keep our wives from shopping sprees and protect them from ‘bargains’ they don’t need or can’t afford. Lead them not into temptation for they know not what they do.

For Wives Only
Almighty Father, keep our husbands from looking at foreign women and comparing them to us. Save them from making fools of themselves in cafes and nightclubs. Above all do not forgive them their trespasses for they know exactly what they do.

Available at Amazon

The perfect fiancé is a cheater and the fabulous Christmas wedding is off. But the would-be honeymoon cruise may fulfill the dreams of Julia and her unexpected companion.

New York Times and USA Today Bestselling Author, Mona Risk published more than twenty books, some translated in German and French.
She received an Outstanding Achiever Award at Affaire de Coeur Magazine and is a
Best Romance Novel winner at Preditors & Editors Readers Poll;
Two-Time winner of Best Contemporary Romance Novel at Readers Favorite;
EPIC’s Ebook Award Finalist; and Kindle Top 100 Bestselling Author

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Blame It On Chocolate @JoanReeves #mgtab #NewRelease

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Dog holding Valentine balloon.A funny thing happened on the way to writing this Valentine post. I didn’t get Blame It On Chocolate, a new entry in my short story series, A Moment in Time, finished.

Agh! Life has just been plain difficult since the New Year began. Of course, that was how 2016 was so I don’t know why I’m surprised!

I did however belatedly publish Last Chance New Year, another short story in A Moment in Time. It was, of course, a month late. Do you see a pattern here? *sigh* I’ll stop moaning and tell you a bit about Last Chance New Year.

This highly sensual romance short story should be available at all ebook sellers within a day. For now, it’s only at Smashwords and Amazon Kindle, and it’s only 99 cents.

In 2015, I thought it would be nice to start a short story series for all those little ideas that pop into my head. Thus A Moment in Time Romance was born.

After all, A Moment in Time is all the heart needs for Love to blossom.

The first short story was LuvU4Ever, and it was about Noelle and David Morales at a crisis in their marriage.

LuvU4Ever is free at all ebook sellers: Kindle * Apple iBooks * Kobo * Nook * Smashwords.

This past Christmas I started writing Last Chance New Year in which David and Noelle play matchmaker for two of their employees who are obviously in love with each other but haven’t done anything about it. They don’t know it, but one of those employees has also decided to remedy the situation.

Cheyenne SmithCover of Last Chance New Year by Joan Reeves, better known as C. A. Smith to her co-workers, decides New Year’s Eve is the perfect time to give in to insanity and throw herself at Luke Harper, the man she loves, and hope that he catches her.

By tomorrow, Last Chance New Year should be available at all ebook sellers.

As I said, it’s live only at Smashwords with Kindle for now.

A Taste of Chocolate

Actually, it’s a taste of Blame It On Chocolate which should be ready to publish in a couple of days. Here’s a teaser to whet your appetite.

Excerpt, Blame It On Chocolate by Joan Reeves © 2017

In years to come, Chloe Elliot decided if she ever told anyone about this night that she’d blame it on chocolate. Okay, maybe that and the bottle of Merlot she and her best friend and sister-in-law Sarah had drunk with the Valentine chocolates from the heart-shaped box Sarah’s husband—and Chloe’s big brother—had given his wife.

At the moment, Chloe’s heart beat so hard and fast that she ought maybe she was in danger of having a heart attack. Wouldn’t that be just peachy? They’d find her dead in this closet. Wearing nothing but red hooker stilettos and outrageous, hot pink lingerie beneath her khaki trenchCover of Blame It On Chocolate by Joan Reeves coat.

No way. She willed her heart to settle down. Besides, she was too young for a coronary, wasn’t she? She’d just turned thirty today. A Happy Fricking Valentine’s Day and Happy Birthday combined. What a catastrophe.

Don’t panic, she told herself again. She wouldn’t have a heart attack. She didn’t dare. What would her mom say if she was found dead—like this!—in the coat closet in her brother’s insurance office? And her dad? She shuddered at the thought.

Chloe took a deep breath and released it slowly. Then another. The roaring in her ears subsided enough that she could hear the sounds beyond the closet door. Nothing. Maybe Hunter had left. Please God let that be the case. She pressed her hand over her heart to still the wild pounding, certain it was beating so hard that it interfered with her hearing.

She listened intently. Nothing. Oh, thank the good Lord above. Relief made her weak in the knees. She swore to go to church every Sunday and to never, ever, do anything remotely crazy again. Her hand was on the doorknob when she heard his voice. Goosebumps raised on her overheated skin. Who was he talking to? She didn’t hear another voice so she decided he must be on the phone. Slowly, she removed her hand from the doorknob and held her breath.

No one had a voice like Hunter Cole. Instead of baseball, he should have gone into broadcasting or acting. She imagined that voice could charm a woman out of her panties as easily as the perfection of his hard-muscled body. Even in high school when he’d been a senior, and her brother’s best friend, and she’d been a lowly freshman, one look at him had turned her brain to mush and her body to molten lava.

Why couldn’t he just go away?

Chloe’s feet hurt in the crippling stilettos, and she needed to pee. Plus, she could hardly breathe in the confined space. At least her nerves had settled so she might as well wait it out.

A little of his conversation seeped through the door. She strained to hear what he was saying.

“…a dozen of your best red roses…big heart-shaped box of chocolate…address…tonight even though it’s late.”

Chloe’s heart no longer pounded. It might have turned to lead in her chest or maybe plummeted to her toes. He was order flowers and chocolates for a woman. Another woman. Not for her.

Now she didn’t feel just ridiculous. She felt humiliated. How had she let Sarah talk her into this? If Sarah knew Hunter so well, why hadn’t she known that he was interested in a woman? She’d never had a chance. If she’d known Hunter was seeing someone, she’d never have done this. She felt a tear trickle down her  cheek. She swiped it away, determined to shove her stupid fantasy to the back of her mind. And she would just as soon as she escaped the closet.

Silence now filled the office. Had he finally left? Surely it was obvious to him that her brother hadn’t asked to meet him here. He should be leaving and racing over to his honey’s house to reap the rewards of the Valentine gifts that were probably being delivered at this moment.

Nothing had broken the silence for almost five minutes. Relieved, she opened the closet door and stepped out.

Right into Hunter Cole’s arms.

Valentine's Day note with rose.I hope you enjoyed that little teaser. Have a wonderful Valentine’s Day with your true love.

Joan Reeves writes sexy Contemporary Romance Novels–available at most ebook sellers. Check out her Amazon Author Page for a list of books.  (Audio editions available at Audible, and iTunes.) All of Joan’s books have the same underlying premise: “It’s never too late to live Happily Ever After.” Sign up for Joan’s Mailing List/Free NL and receive a free ebook. Connect with Joan Online: Blog * Facebook * Twitter * YouTube.

 

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Small Towns; Big Hearts

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Flynn_GodBlessTXI spent yesterday fighting the urban traffic snarls that occur daily in Houston and other large cities. At the end of the day, exhausted, I realized traffic was another of the many attractions small towns hold for me.

In a small town, there are no traffic jams. No rush hours twice a day with each one taking 2-3 hours. No rain induced “domino effect” rear end crashes.

If there is an accident, someone will pull over to see if they can help or call your family to come to the scene. People in small town have big hearts.

Ah! Small Towns

I love small towns with businesses decorated to express the owner’s opinions like the store above. Because I grew up in a small town, I know a lot about these unique communities — the social structure, the economics, and, most importantly, the people who live in small towns.

Favorite Book Setting

A small town is my favorite place to set a story, and many of my contemporary romance novels are set in small towns. Small towns are like characters in a book–they give color and depth to the story.

Most of the time, I live in a townhouse in Houston, but on the weekends, my husband and I head to the country to our house there. The sky is bigger it seems in the country. Sitting on the back porch at night with a million brilliant stars above and the quiet sounds of a coyote howl gives a sensation of tranquility.

I subscribe to the weekly newspaper in the town nearest our country house. That small town, with a population of 664, is the largest of the nearby towns. My goodness. That makes my hometown where I grew up look huge with its boasted population of 5,000+. (I also subscribe to my hometown’s weekly newspaper.)

Homage to The Tonight Show Kings

When Jay Leno and Johnny Carson, the kings of The Tonight Show,  read the unintentionally funny items from newspapers and advertisements sent in from viewers, they had me–and probably most of America–laughing.

Since I subscribe to 2 small town newspapers, I see funny stuff in print all the time. Of course, it’s not supposed to be funny!

I just about fell out of my chair when I read in one of those papers about the man who planted a bomb in his wife’s car. No, that wasn’t funny, but the comment from the Sheriff’s Department was.

When the small town reporter asked the Deputy about the explosive device, the Deputy earnestly replied: “The explosive device did not explode, and we can’t tell whether it was homemade or not.”

Excuse me? Homemade or not? Are there stores that actually sell car bombs? I mean, aren’t all car bombs, by their very nature, homemade?

Life Is Just Different

The following is a perfect example of rural Texas life in the oil patch. I don’t think you’ll see a sign like this in the city.

Sign on a local restaurant: “We deliver to surrounding oil fields.”

Now that’s small town.

Life really is different in rural and small town America. The people seem more patient and kinder. It’s almost as if there are stock characters, and every town is required to have its requisite number of them.

The pace is definitely more relaxed. My Romantic Comedy series Texas One Night Stands is all about small town life where you sneeze and someone across town says, “God bless you.”

Sheriff’s Deputy Susannah Quinn, the heroine of The Trouble With Love, that closeness is suffocating. She’s tired of the town knowing everything about “poor little Susannah” and plans to escape as soon as she can. The only thing standing in her way is a tall, dark, and too darn sexy for her own peace of mind FBI Special Agent.

RJAIn the second book of the series, Romeo and Judy Anne, high school principal Judy Anne Palmer is tired of being up on a pedestal of respectability. She kicks over the traces one night in Dallas.

When her one-night lover shows up in her hometown, she’s afraid her night of passion will end up being the biggest scandal her little Texas town has ever seen.

Both of these books, along with my others, are available at most ebook sellers; audio book editions are at Audible.com and iTunes.

Your Opinion

Do you like small towns as a book setting? If not, what’s your favorite setting? Leave a comment with your email address, and I’ll send you a coupon code for a free copy of The Trouble With Love.


Joan Reeves writes sexy Contemporary Romance Novels–available at most ebook sellers. (Audio editions available at Audible, and iTunes.) All of Joan’s books have the same underlying premise: “It’s never too late to live Happily Ever After.”

Joan lives her Happily Ever After with her hero, her husband, in the Lone Star State.

Readers, sign up for Joan’s Mailing List/Free NL . Writers, subscribe to WritingHacks, Joan’s free NL for authors. Connect Online with Joan: Blog * Facebook * Google+  * Twitter * YouTube.

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April Fool’s Pranksters by @JoanReeves #mgtab

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AFB_2400px3200p_NYTI’ve always thought April Fool’s Day was made for fun-lovers. I was in awe of April Fool’s Pranksters. I always spent the week leading up to April Fool’s Day trying to think of a stunning prank.

What I dreamed up was rather innocuous like short-sheeting my brother’s bed or yelling, “There’s a tiger in the yard.” (Hey! I was only a child!)

If Only the Internet Had Been Invented

If I’d had Internet and search engines, my pranks would have been awesome. However, it’s never too late to create an epic prank that will live in the memories of family and friends. If you’re like me and need some inspiration, here are some of my personal favorites.

To share with your kids, try Family-Friendly April Fools’ Day Pranks or 31 Awesome April Fools’ Day Pranks Your Kids Will Totally Fall For. You can pull these pranks on your kids or help your kids prank their siblings.

If you want to prank your co-workers and friends, 25+ Hilarious Pranks for April Fool’s Day is superb. I particularly like #2 and #23. If I had a glass door at home, I’d totally do the balloon fake-out on my husband.

So I guess you see how much I still like the first of April. In fact, I liked it so much I wrote a book and called it April Fool Bride.
AFB_04
About April Fool Bride

Oil heiress Madeline Quinn needs a husband by the time she turns twenty-five in order to claim her full inheritance. Mad Maddie, as the tabloids christened her, has learned the hard way that men only see dollar signs when they look at her.

Maddie decides a marriage of convenience is the only answer and turns to the one man she can trust, her housekeeper’s son who always treated her like a little sister when they were kids.

Jake Becker hasn’t seen Maddie since the night she tried to seduce him. Why should he help the woman who changed the course of his life? Simple. Revenge.

Is it a marriage of convenience or something more? Something that sizzles like steam heat between Maddie and Jake that neither can resist!

April Fool Bride is on sale during April for only 99cents. You’ll find it at these ebooksellers: All Romance Ebooks * Amazon * iBooks * Kobo * Nook * Smashwords.

Giveaway

Did you ever try to pull an awesome April Fool Prank? Tell us all about it and leave your email to be entered in a random drawing for one of my fancy schmancy writing pens that has a little flashlight in the top and a writing journal adorned with the April Fool Bride cover art.

Love means never having to say, “You’re under arrest!”

Ha! April Fool’s!

The cover art for April Fool Bride is not on the journal. The journal features the cover art of Cinderella Blue, another of my sassy, sexy romantic comedies.

Giveaway Terms: (1) Winner chosen by random draw. (2) Comment and email must be left to be entered. (3) Contest ends April 15. (4) Members of Authors’ Billboard are not eligible. (5) Winner will be notified by email. (6) Prize winner must be in continental U.S. (Outside the ConUS, I’ll give away an ebook of Little Book of Sunshinea small volume of inspiration.

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Hospital Waiting Room Survival Kit by Joan Reeves

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Medical team performing an operation - a series of SURGERY relatHave you ever had to spend time in a hospital waiting room? I have done this more times than I’d like so I thought I’d tell you how to put together a hospital waiting room survival kit.

I’ve become quite an expert at this since I’ve seen my daughter through 14 surgeries. The most recent was last week.

Now I’m spending days with her while her husband is at the office as she recovers from the most recent operation. Spending time in a hospital waiting room is uncomfortable at best–agony at its worst. Having a Survival Kit will help you should you have to do this.

Hospital Waiting Room Survival Kit

  1. Backpack. Get this first. Don’t carry a purse. Put your cell phone, basic purse necessities, etc. in this. It’s safer and easier to manage than a purse plus a tote bag and whatever else you may feel you need. I like a backpack that has netting bottle holders on the sides. I actually use a backpack from a European tour I took a few years ago. Plan on taking 2 bottles of water because water fountains can be few and far between. The backpack should be roomy enough to put a jacket, your reading material, writing pen, any medication you might need, etc. My backpack is large enough to put my daughter’s belongings in it after she is changed into the hospital gown for surgery. (I’ll include a final tally for the backpack at the end of this.)
  2. Cash and a major credit card. Like I said, you may need to purchase items from a vending machine or tip the valet. Most parking garages and valet service take credit cards so Visa or Master Card will handle that.
  3. Cell phone and charging cable. Many waiting rooms now have charging stations where you can keep your phone, iPad, etc. charged up. Most of them are fast chargers. Just keep an eye on your devices though.
  4. Comfortable clothing. You want something comfortable and loose enough that you can spend 10-12 hours in it, probably sitting in an uncomfortable chair. Dress in layers so if the waiting room is frigid–and many are–you will be warm enough. If it’s too warm, just shed some layers.
  5. Comfortable shoes. Leave the heels and sandals at home. You may do a fair amount of walking. Even if you valet park at the hospital entrance–and we do–you’ll still have to walk a distance to the elevators and you’ll walk several long corridors. Once in the waiting room, you’ll be taken to the pre-op room for some last words with your patient. Then back to the waiting room. Post surgery will find you walking to recovery then to another room after that then back to the waiting room. By the end of the day, you’ll be glad you wore socks and walking shoes.
  6. Snacks. Like I said before water bottles. Plan on something nutritious and easy to eat. Bring enough of it to get you through the day in case there are no convenient snack kiosks or cafeterias available. Raisins and other dried fruit, nuts, Lara snack bars or some similar granola bars. Apples, Clementines, grapes. Peanut butter crackers or cheese crackers or whatever floats your boat.
  7. Toothbrush and toothpaste. Seriously. You’ll be surprised how dry your mouth will get and how nasty after a day of eating snack foods and drinking bad coffee.
  8. Entertainment. Bring something to do to pass the time. Televisions in waiting rooms are usually pre-set to CNN or something similar. The volume is turned off so you have to read the captions if you insist on watching the tube. A Kindle, cell phone with the Kindle app, iPad or something similar is great. Stock it with plenty of books in case you get bored with the first one you select. If you want to play games or watch Netflix movies, be sure and bring your earbuds. You’ll get ejected if you try listening without earbuds.
  9. Notebook and pen. You may want to take notes when the doctor talks with you. Or you may think of questions to ask the doctor. Write it down because in the emotion of the moment, you’ll probably forget.

Backpack Contents List

  1. Jacket
  2. Purse necessities including dollar bills for vending machines.
  3. Cash and credit card.
  4. Cell phone, devices, and cables.
  5. Water
  6. Snacks
  7. Travel-size Toothbrush and toothpaste
  8. Entertainment
  9. Notebook and Pen

For Your Consideration

JOL_2400px3200p_NYTIf you’re looking for a book to give you a laugh when you’re in a waiting room and feeling tense, consider my romantic comedy, Just One Look, about two doctors in a comedy of errors courtship.

Just One Look is available at Amazon and other ebook sellers. This romance is also available in audio at Audible and iTunes.

I loved this book! If you haven’t read JUST ONE LOOK, you’re missing out on a great story. It’s humorous, sexy to the max, and just plain entertaining. ~ Amazon Reviewer

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Fun Literary Gimmicks by Joan Reeves

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Knowledge is PowerToday, I’m sharing some Fun Literary Gimmicks that figure in my work in progress. You see, I’m finishing out a series this year: The Good, The Bad, and The Girly. Book 1 of this series is Old Enough to Know Better, sexy romantic comedy about Stormy Clarkson who made some huge mistakes in life and is trying to connect with her 3 daughters. Stormy her soul mate in Old Enough to Know Better, and, along the way, we meet her 3 daughters.

In each book of the series, I use a, let’s call it a gimmick. In Old Enough to Know Better, each chapter is introduced by a witty, sometimes snarky, quotation about women. Example: I once was white as snow, but I drifted. ~ Mae West

In Book 2, Good Girl Conspiracy, which is about the oldest daughter, I use a pithy excerpt from a fake book I created entitled The Book of Counted Pleasures.

In Book 3, Bad Girl Complex, which I’m outlining now, I decided to use funny aphorisms quoted by the heroine in each chapter. So I’m compiling a list.

Aphorism Defined

Remember what an aphorism is? A short, pointed sentence that expresses a wise or clever observation, general truth or adage. I can visualize my heroine mouthing off to the hero using these, but she better watch out because he has his own repertoire of smart remarks.

Sharing My Aphorisms

1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.

2. Money will buy a fine dog but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

3. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

4. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.

5. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.

6. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks ?

7. No one ever says “It’s only a game” when their team is winning.

8. Be careful reading the fine print. There’s no way you’re going to like it.

9. Money can’t buy happiness – but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in an old Toyota Corolla.

10. Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.

OETKB_2400px3200p_NYT

Old Enough to Know Better is available at Amazon and other ebook sellers. You’ll also find it in an audio edition at Audible and iTunes.

Post Script

Life’s too short not to laugh. If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all. That’s my final aphorism.

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10 Last Lines from Famous Novels

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OETKB_2400px3200p_NYTEveryone quotes the best opening sentences of novels, but I don’t think people quote the last sentence very often. I thought we might have some fun today and do just that. After all, the last sentence is the last thing a reader sees so it also is very important, isn’t it?

I’ve pulled 10 books from my home library. All the books have been hugely popular and critically acclaimed. I’ve jumbled them so they’re not in any special order or grouped by genre.

I’ll give the last line, and, just to make it interesting, I’ll give the source at the bottom of this post. See if you recognize any of these.

10 Last Lines

“Oh, my girls, however long you may live, I never can wish you a greater happiness than this!”

Jenny listened to the mill wheels and wondered what mysteries and miracles, wht horrors and joys were being ground out at this very moment, to be served up in times to come.

Then, starting home, he walked toward the trees, and under them, leaving behind him the big sky, the whisper of wind voices in the wind-bent wheat.

So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

I lingered round them, under that benign sky: watched the moths fluttering among the heath and hare-bells; listened to the soft wind breathing through the grass; and wondered how any one could ever imagine unquiet slumbers for the sleepers in that quiet earth.

“Probably,” Morelli said, “but I give good . . . pizza.”

“It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known.”

“God’s in his heaven, all’s right with the world,” whispered Anne softly.

And the ashes blew towards us with the salt wind from the sea.

Her work was done.

How Did You Do?

The amazing thing about all of these closing sentences is that they are perfect for the novel in which they appear. I try to do the same–crafting the perfect closing sentence in my books.

In Old Enough to Know Better, the book shown above, I have a closing line that is perfect for this romantic comedy. It fits the premise of the book, the characters, and what happens during the course of the story. This is the closing sentence as it appears in the book:

Truth.

That’s it. No more than that 1 word in italics. You can judge for yourself if it fits the story by picking up Old Enough to Know Better, reduced from $3.99 to only 99cents from today through next Thursday. Available at: Amazon * iBooks * Kobo * Nook * Smashwords.

The Answers

  1. Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
  2. Phantoms by Dean Koontz
  3. In Cold Blood by Truman Capote
  4. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
  5. Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë
  6. One for the Money by Janet Evanovich
  7. A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
  8. Anne of Green Gables by Lucy Maud Montgomery
  9. Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier
  10. Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley
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