I try not to write at night as I seem to be a different animal than the morning. The vocabulary is different, and a wicked sense of humor appears. It is especially different after a late dinner and red wine, Shiraz preferably. After imbibing, I scoot off to the study, my head full of exciting news to share. My fingers fly across the keys and the words flow. I finish with a satisfied smile. The next morning, I read the words, shocked and biting my lip,
I couldn’t possibly put that on the blog. With a sigh, I delete it.
So what to write? Googling and scrolling across the Net, I came across an article by the renowned Richard Ridley on writing blurbs and bios. I was so impressed and copied it into a folder to read often. It is full of tips and advice that are like fresh daisies in a jaded lawn. I really got caught up – inspired with his tips on bios and things. Gritting my teeth, I decided to take the plunge. I ripped out my biography on Author Central. It was kind of boring really, four hundred words of my life history. If I was bored, then my readers must be bored to death. I mean who wants to know about my grandmother ‘s teeth, or that I soaked my sons’ nappies in a bucket. Those were the days before you could throw them away. Pegs for noses came in handy. It was a mess I can tell you.
Anyway to continue, I looked into a wide empty screen and asked my inner writer for the words to appear. What could she write that would inspire people. Richard wrote his bio in three lines – I was delighted to read it. Yes! Mine shouldn’t take any more than that. So here it is:
‘Katy lives on the South Coast. You will find her dragged along the beach by a frenzied dog, all of seven stone, whose main aim in life is to lick everyone.’
Actually, first of all, I wrote, ‘Katy lives on the South Coast with a husband mesmerized by grave stones, and a frenzied dog whose main aim in life is to drag her along the beach licking everyone.’
I thought that maybe I was being unkind talking about hubby like that. But actually it is true. For instance. when we went to Greece, I was on the beach deciding whether or not I would actually join the other sun worshipers and go topless. Meanwhile hubby was in the nearest cemetery looking at Greek grave stones. That was a glorious holiday. I remember hubby came back from the graveyard with some of the Greek wine from one of the beach cafes. He was legless by the time he reached me. Wine is definitely stronger out there.
I am overjoyed with my new short bio’, since taking off the other three hundred words, I feel naked – free – light and ready to take my frenetic dog down the beach. Actually, it is true about her licking everything. I did take her to training classes but she’s been expelled twice. Not for being naughty, but because she loves people to death, one of her things is licking men and women’s bottoms. clothed of course. Honestly, it’s embarrassing for hubby. I can get away with it as the men usually turn around and give me a beaming smile. But poor hubby does get some alarming reactions from ladies – poor man. By the time he’s finished explaining it’s Lily who’s doing the licking, and not him, she’s nowhere in sight. Well, she’s in the bushes flirting with the black labrador.